What is mindfulness? “Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally" --Jon Kabat-Zinn. We can break this down into three parts.

Paying attention on purpose: choose to focus, rather than to distract. If your first impulse when you are stressed is to watch an hour of Netflix (which ends up turning into four hours of Netflix) try allowing yourself to focus on your feelings instead.

In doing so, focus on your feelings in the present moment as opposed to engaging in regretful thoughts about the past or anxious thoughts about the future. Instead, ground yourself in the here and now. Allow yourself to experience your anxiety about one thing at time as opposed to amplifying anxiety with additional worries.

As you notice your thoughts and feelings in the present moment, remind yourself to be non-judgmental. This means allowing yourself to experience your feelings without an accompanying soundtrack of self-doubt and recrimination.

For example, let’s say you’re stressed about an upcoming presentation. Instead of Netflix and dread, you pick mindfulness and peace. Ask yourself “What sensations in my body am I experiencing right now? What thoughts? What feelings?” As thoughts about the past or future intrude, gently bring yourself back to the present. You can tell yourself “I can worry about that later, right now I want to focus on my current feelings.” Treat self-criticism as a minor distraction and give yourself permission to experience your anxiety without judgement. “I’m allowed to feel nervous without thinking that I am an idiot.” As you focus on your thoughts and feelings, recognize them as transitory—you won’t always feel this way. Notice the sensation of the anxiety passing, and calmness replacing it.

If this sounds difficult or foreign, I want you to know that it’s likely you are already using mindfulness in your daily life! Think about the last time you stubbed your toe. Did you keep walking, putting full weight on that injured toe? Did you think about all the stubbed toes of the past, or ruminate on the potential for more stubbed toes in the future? Did you tell yourself, “I’m the clumsiest person in the world!” or “Only an idiot like me could stub their toe?” Did you immediately kick your toe right back into that table leg over and over again? If the answer to these questions is yes, the probable outcome is that you ended up in bed, overwhelmed, in pain, and unable to function.

But most of us don’t do any of those things when we stub our toes. Instead, did you stop moving and stand there for a minute, allowing yourself to experience the physical pain? Maybe you screamed or cursed, but you also just waited for the pain to pass. And it did, and you went on with your life.

Imagine doing the same thing when you have an anxious thought or an anxiety-provoking experience. So instead of trying to ignore the feeling, or blaming yourself, or worrying about the future, or ruminating over and over about the painful thoughts and experiences, try sitting, cursing, and waiting for the pain to pass. Remember that you have the ability to tolerate your distress without amplifying it. That’s mindfulness.

Remember the old Coyote and Roadrunner cartoons?

Wiley E. Coyote tried forever to catch the Roadrunner. Despite his best efforts and all his ingenuity, he never caught the Roadrunner, and in fact often ended up harming himself. Recently I came across Chuck Jones’ rules for the series. They are a great metaphor for anxiety management:

1. The Road Runner cannot harm the Coyote except by going "meep, meep."

Your anxiety cannot harm you beyond influencing your thoughts and feelings. When you are having a panic attack, it might feel like you are going to die, but it’s not true. Remind yourself that your anxiety can only “meep, meep” at you—annoying, but not life-threatening.

2. No outside force can harm the Coyote -- only his own ineptitude or the failure of Acme products. Trains and trucks were the exception from time to time.

Focus on your own self-efficacy and ability to manage your anxious feelings. Struggle with social anxiety? It’s unlikely that everyone is staring at you, but feeling like that’s true can cause you to be self-conscious and awkward. Tell yourself “No outside force can harm me—If I manage my anxiety, I will be okay.”

3. The Coyote could stop anytime -- if he were not a fanatic.

Examine your own commitment to your anxiety. Give yourself permission to stop feeling anxious. Instead of thinking “I am an anxious person,” try thinking “I’ve been anxious in the past, but I’m working towards changing that.”

4. No dialogue ever, except "meep, meep" and yowling in pain.

Ever get trapped in the loop of anxious thoughts and feelings of panic? When our dialogue is restricted to “This bad thing is going to happen,” and “OMG, that is painful and terrifying,” it’s hard to get any movement on anxiety. Allow other thoughts and feelings to enter this dialogue: “I can do this, it’s going to be okay,” and you start to have a choice other than yowling in pain.

5. The Road Runner must stay on the road -- for no other reason than that he's a roadrunner.

Deal with one worry at a time, and notice boundaries. Anxiety becomes overwhelming when we are thinking of all the things that could go wrong at once. Recognize that you have the ability to keep your anxiety restricted to one area at a time, and to prevent your anxiety from one thing about spilling over into something else.

6. All action must be confined to the natural environment of the two characters -- the southwest American desert.

Notice what environmental stressors make your anxiety worse—are you always nervous at the airport? Or when you are at a party? Brainstorm ways to change your thoughts and feelings about this environment to reduce anxiety. For example, if you are always stressed when you have a work presentation, but never stressed when you are doing karaoke, bring those same feelings of relaxation into the boardroom!

7. All tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the Acme Corporation.

Figure out the core negative thought related to your anxiety, and reject thoughts associated with this thought. Everything from Acme is doomed to fail. Thoughts that tie into the idea “I’m worthless,” will always make you more anxious. Give yourself permission to reject these thoughts and find more helpful cognitions!

8. Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyote's greatest enemy.

Depression and anxiety go hand and hand. Your depressed feelings and thoughts can make you anxious, and vice versa. The good news is that interventions that work for anxiety can also work for depression.

9. The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by his failures.

Yes, it is embarrassing when you fall and trip in front of a room full of people, but it is not deadly. A moment’s embarrassment isn’t a big deal, but hiding in your room because that moment feels too painful can be. Remind yourself that your anxiety can’t harm you if you experience it and let it pass.

10. The audience's sympathy must remain with the Coyote.

Be kind to yourself! When you trip and fall, most people are thinking “Oh no! Is he okay?” as opposed to “Look at that idiot!” And the people who are thinking that are being jerks anyway! Be your own best friend.

11. The Coyote is not allowed to catch or eat the Road Runner.

It’s unrealistic to expect to live a life without any anxious moments, but you can learn to manage your anxiety. You may not be able to stop feeling anxious, but you can reduce the “meep meep” to a minor irritation instead of becoming debilitated.